In a time of social trends and the growing fear of missing out (FOMO), our individuality, comprising our values, interests, goals, and lifestyle choices, is what sets us apart. A solid sense of self serves as an internal compass, guiding us with confidence and authenticity through the curve balls that life throws our way.
Together, these shape our identity, allowing us to live a purpose-driven and fulfilled life.
Now, enter an inordinate copycat, and the integrity of the foundation on which you built your personality is compromised. You are negatively charged, doubting the choices that once made you stand out, and directly deprived of your uniqueness.
When someone copies you, it can uncover a myriad of emotions, leaving you disturbed as you try to find ways to deal with the psychological impact of their actions. The effect is overbearing when the person copying you is a close friend running in common social circles, as it puts you in an awkward situation.
This is not one of those posts about funny things to say when someone is copying you.
We intend to genuinely understand why the behavior of a copycat friend takes a toll on our mental and emotional state. Then, by unraveling the potential reasons a person imitates you, we will dive into the 11 ways you can deal with these uncomfortable emotions by recognizing what to do when someone copies you.
Why does it disturb you when people copy you?
1. Threat to Individuality
When someone closely imitates your style, behaviors, or choices, it could feel like your exclusivity is being diluted. This could undermine the essence of your values. You may feel pressured to evolve or differentiate yourself to prove your uniqueness continually.
2. Comparison and Competition
The behavior of a copycat stirs feelings of competition, exhausting you in need to stay ahead of the game and maintain your status as the ‘OG’ and that of the copycat person as the ‘dupe,’ which may often provoke splurging of time and money on trivial mental victories.
Further, the validation that another receives due to mirroring could amplify insecurities, making the person being mirrored feel inadequate and unworthy compared to the other person’s seemingly effortless adoption of their traits.
3. Lack of Recognition
When your originality is mirrored back at you without a modest acknowledgment, it becomes difficult to distinguish your authentic self from the reflection imposed by the copier. Such experiences make us question the originality of our contributions and dread being typecast.
Seeing someone else reap the benefits or praise for something you originated can be extremely frustrating, leaving you feeling diminished, unrecognized, or cliched.
Additionally, the absence of credit when it is due could create a sense of injustice, making it challenging to stay motivated in your pursuits.
4. Need for Emotional and Psychological Space
Every individual needs personal space and emotional boundaries, which feel evaded when closely imitated.
The constant presence of someone mimicking you can create pressure to maintain a particular image, limiting your freedom to mess up and grow.
5. Fear of Replacement
Your mind may perceive your unique position in your circle as vulnerable. Having another you in the group may make you feel unimportant or replaceable.
The fear ties into a more profound existential concern about losing what makes us indispensable in our social groups.
6. Desire for Control over Own Identity
Mirroring could make you feel misrepresented if the copycat friend distorts the image you have cultivated over your life.
There is a natural desire to own and control one’s style. When someone copies you, it could feel like a loss of ownership over how you present yourself and others perceive your identity.
7. Cognitive Biases
Cognitive biases are mental shortcuts of the brain used to simplify decision-making. These biases can help us understand the discomfort of being imitated:
- The Endowment Effect causes us to place greater value on things we own (our identity, in this case).
- The second cognitive bias, Loss Aversion, makes the pain of losing something (our uniqueness here) feel almost twice as immense as the joy from gaining it.
- The Status Quo Bias is our tendency to prefer things to remain as they are. When someone mirrors us, it disrupts our sense of normalcy.
8. Unresolved Feelings of Being Overshadowed
Past experiences that made you feel overshadowed by a sibling or a peer at school can unbottle jars of insecurities. The resurfacing of past resentment or feelings of inadequacy heightens your discomfort with the situation.
9. Mismatch in Expectations
The deviation of the reality of the friendship from your view of an ideal friendship leads to disappointment. When their actions don’t align with your expectations of mutual respect and individuality, it creates a disconnect between what you value in a friendship and what you experience.
10. Threat to Relationship
The constant mirroring may cause you to read excessively into copycat behavior psychology, making the dynamics of your relationship feel less genuine. It could make you question whether their actions are authentic or merely reflections of your own, thereby straining the trust and sincerity of the friendship.
What does it mean when someone copies you?
1. Admiration
Aspirational imitation occurs when people attempt to model the traits of someone they admire and wish to be perceived as. A deep-seated desire for personal growth and self-improvement often drives it.
They observe specific attributes in you, such as your confidence, achievements, or style, that they find appealing and wish to incorporate into their personality. Your fashion sense, hobbies, or even daily routines may resonate with them as ideals they want to strive for.
By emulating your public persona, they potentially hope to gain similar recognition or respect within their peer groups.
2. Absence of a Role Model
People who lack strong role models may look to those around them for guidance on behaving, dressing, or making decisions.
Without explicit models, they might adopt the traits of someone they admire to navigate their path. Your life choices could fill a void and provide a template for how they want to be perceived.
3. Insecurity and Low Confidence in Own Decisions
By adopting someone else’s behavior, they seek external validation for their choices. Following a trusted individual provides a safer path, making them risk-averse instead of being innovative with their independent decisions.
4. Social Learning
The Social Learning Theory of psychologist Albert Bandura suggests that individuals learn by observing, imitating, and modeling others’ behaviors. The theory proposes that learning occurs as individuals observe the outcomes of people’s behaviors.
5. Inferior Sense of Self
Just like the 2024 film ‘Inside Out 2’ beautifully expressed how anxiety and a poor ‘sense of self’ caused Riley to grapple with identifying her values, individuals without a strong sense of self or stability often mirror others to navigate their identity. The lack of a clear, consistent personality leads to a reliance on external cues for self-definition.
6. Need for Acceptance
The desire to belong can drive people to echo those they wish to be close to. Their self-esteem issues could lead them to believe that equaling you will make them more likable in social settings.
7. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO)
The fear of missing out on trends, opportunities, or social acceptance can drive people to mimic others’ choices. People who copy you do it to remain relevant and avoid feeling left out of crucial social dynamics.
8. Subconscious Behavior (Innate Desire for Closeness)
Often done without conscious awareness, the chameleon effect involves a subconscious behavior where individuals mimic a natural part of human social interaction. From an evolutionary perspective, humans have developed mirroring as a social bonding tool. It could create a sense of familiarity, essential for group cohesion and survival.
9. Ego Defense
Copying you could also be a defense mechanism used to protect the ego. When people copy you, they reduce their anxiety about their abilities or social standing.
How to deal with a copycat friend?
1. Acknowledge the Flattery
Appreciate that your personality inspires others. Take it as a compliment and see their behavior as a testament to your positive influence rather than a threat to your individuality.
Oscar Wilde said, “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.” Shift your perspective to recognize that copying is flattery.
2. Share Selectively and Say Less Than Necessary
As people constantly attempt to work out what others appear to be thinking, silence makes them feel uncomfortable. Your discomfort may cause you to give away your ideas and intentions.
Start making peace with this silence and let others fill your silence with words. By controlling what you reveal, you preserve your dignity and maintain a mystery around your identity.
3. Practice Graceful Authenticity
When discussing your accomplishments, focus on the joy and passion behind them rather than the hard work involved. This discourages imitation by making it clear that your achievements are deeply rooted in your unique passions and strengths rather than in clear step-by-step practices.
Remain humble and understate your abilities to reduce the likelihood of others needing to compete with or imitate you.
To quote Ryan Holiday from his book Ego is the Enemy, “Humble in our aspirations, Gracious in our success and Resilient in our failures.”
4. Withdraw and Strengthen Other Friendships
Law 16 of Robert Greene’s ‘The 48 Laws of Power’ says that the more present you are, the more common you appear. Creating an air of scarcity around yourself increases your perceived value. If you and your imitator exist in an established group, step back and intermittently withdraw yourself from the group.
Nurture strong and naturally attractive bonds. Dulce Ruby said, “There is something beautiful about unforced bonds; the energy is real.”
Focus on friendships that give you energy rather than drain you of it.
5. Journaling and Introspection
Journaling creates a space between your mind and your thoughts. It is in this space that your clarity lies.
- Explore how you express your individuality.
- Consider their perspective and any underlying reasons for their behavior.
- Reflect on how your self-image feels threatened by their actions
- Evaluate your friendship and why it’s meaningful to you.
As you flow into articulating your thoughts on paper, you naturally explore solutions and secure clarity that could never be gained from overanalyzing the situation.
6. Communicate
It is hard when someone who copies everything you do is a regular in your peer groups. However, if you are looking for the answer to how to stop someone from copying you, clearly communicating is undoubtedly your best shot.
- Choose a private setting and a time when both of you are relaxed and open to conversation, not during moments of stress or conflict.
- Use “I” statements to express your feelings without sounding accusatory. For example, “I feel overwhelmed when my choices are closely mirrored” instead of “You’re copying me too much.”
- Be honest about your emotions. Saying, “I feel uncomfortable when our styles are so similar,” can be more effective than pointing out their actions directly.
- It would help to structure your thoughts and practice what you want to say to ensure you express yourself clearly and calmly.
- Allow them to share their perspective and listen without interrupting.
- Acknowledge their feelings. This can help them feel understood and less defensive.
7. Be Kind to Yourself and Self-Validate
Recognize that it’s natural to feel frustrated, annoyed, or even threatened in this situation. These emotions are valid and part of your human experience.
Avoid judging yourself harshly and labeling your feelings as “right” or “wrong.” If you feel guilt or irritation about your reactions, forgive yourself. Understand that you responded and behaved like anyone naturally would.
Spend some time in solitude and remind yourself that you cannot control their behavior, but you can control how you perceive it.
Your personality, experiences, and virtues make you who you are, and no one can take that away from you. Remember—no one is you or can be you, and that’s your power!
8. Empathize
When you truly understand the depth of why do people copy you, you can approach the situation with compassion, recognizing that their behavior may be driven by a deep-rooted insecurity or a lack of self-confidence.
9. Consider Professional Guidance
If you find yourself overwhelmed and consumed by the situation, seeking professional support to help you navigate it effectively could be beneficial.
Talking to a therapist can help you process repressed emotions and develop coping strategies. They can offer tools and techniques for managing emotional triggers and maintaining healthy boundaries.
A new perspective and strategies for managing complex relationships could help foster healthy relationships.
10. Focus on Your Personal Growth and Wellness
Invest in self-care and prioritize activities that enhance your personal growth to help you feel more grounded and resilient.
Stay focused on your personal and professional goals, ensuring that your energy is directed towards your growth rather than the actions of others. Maintain healthy habits and routines that contribute to your overall well-being.
11. Remember the Bigger Picture
Zoom out and consider- How significant is this issue in the grand scheme of your life and relationships?
If you have bold aspirations for your future, instead of asking why people copy me, accept it as a given way of life when you achieve extraordinary things. People will want to be like you. This is preparation for your future.
If it helps, consider seeing it this way- if someone is copying you, you won.
Establish through your actions that your confidence is unshaken by imitation. The less you react to being copied, the more secure and positive you appear, which could diminish the behavior over time.
It is wise to know that we cannot solve our problems with someone else’s solution. No matter how much someone imitates you, sooner or later, they will need to look inward to address unresolved issues.
Remind yourself that you can do three things:
- Alter your perspective
- Take the right action, or
- Endure.
This post has been written to help you when copycat friends or close acquaintances imitate you, causing you to feel an identity threat.
If someone pretends to be you online, resort to legal action.
When someone hates you but copies you, remember the words of Paulo Coelho: “Haters are confused admirers who can’t understand why everybody else likes you.”
It is hard to cope with the surface emotions when someone copies everything you do. I hope this post gave you some insights on why do people copy others psychology.
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